notsorry

I’ve had a rough couple of months, but now I feel that I’m back on track and ready to go on.

I’m ready to live the life that I deserve. Right now I don’t feel that I have to lose weight, but I want to. I’d like to be fitter, I’d like to not be out of breath so quickly, and I’d love to feel more attractive.

I even feel an urge to excersise (now, that’s a first!). I just have to come up with a plan… I like going swimming, but I’ve had a couple of ear infections in the past months, so I want to be careful with water. I love riding my bike though. I think I’m gonna use my bike more in the next days. My goal is to ride my bike every day for 30 minutes in the forest nearby my work. I’ll evaluate my goal next week, and see if this is the right way to go.

I hope that I can keep my attitude over the next days, weeks, months…!

Can anyone tell me how to make the weight graph show up on the right?

Thanks!

I’m really tired, but I don’t want to stop using this blog so soon after I started, so I’m going to post anyway, only a couple of thoughts.

- the size of the seats on my flight to Lisbon was not a problem, I was so happy! The seat belt was even two inches longer than I needed it to be. It was far from comfortable, but not embarrassing at all.

- yes, Holly was right, I did a lot of walking on my trip. Didn’t do my knees a favor though, I think… so many hills in this city. And I was sad that I could not keep up with my brother, though, sometimes it wasn’t funny.

But the city is BEAUTIFUL! I’d move there in a moment (but getting a job offer there in my profession is very unlikely).

- the last  days were emotionally exhausting and liberating at once. I FINALLY told a friend of mine that I have fallen in love with him, after 1.5 years. This was a HUGE step for me. The result is not what I expected at all… I never had hopes that he’d feel the same way, and I was right. I thought this was going to be the end of our friendship, and I was prepared for it (though the thought made me very sad). But… (life is just great sometimes) as it turned out he’s not interested in women. So instead of losing  him, I am able to have a much more meaningful relationship to him, now, that we know so much more about each other.

I’m so so thankful, because he’s just a very great person. And I think he needs me, too (he’s not “out” yet) … we are lucky to have each other.

And in the course of events, I lost five pounds, yay! Too much stress, I guess…

I’m going to fly to my brother tomorrow who is an exchange student in Portugal. I heard his room-mate from Sweden is one fine cook… I hope I’ll be able to stick to my plans.

I’m excited about the trip, I have never been that far inside of Europe, and I’m curious about the country and about the way my brother lives.

But. But the one thing I am really really nervous about is the flight. I’ve enjoyed flying the last times I did it, but my last flight was in 2001 and I was about 45 pounds lighter than I am now. The big questions are: Will I fit in the seat? Will the belt fit? Or will I have to ask for an extension? Man, that could be so embarrassing… I googled about sizes and plane seats, and I probably will fit somehow (I am 227 lbs, 5′ 2”), if not totally comfortable… but I am still so worried.

*edit to add* commenter Holly refers to a part of this post which I deleted: I am craving for milk and it ruins my dieting efforts. Yeah, I should save my milk for special occasions, or have it as a treat on Sundays. Always appreciating helpful tips, thanks!

I’m not sorry about the weight I gained.

I’m not sorry about the weight I will lose.

I don’t want to look back, don’t want to feel bad about the past, don’t want to worry about the future… just live my dreams and DO it, lose that weight to lead a lighter and easier life.